Reflection #5 – On Light & Warmth

I lay in bed last night thinking about this reflection. My thoughts began on my daughter, Chloe, who, at age 19, just returned home for the summer after completing her first year of college. She was out with her boyfriend, and not due home until close to 1am. It was right around 11pm.

Normally, I make a point to turn on her bedside lamp when she will be out beyond when I plan to go to bed. But last night I forgot to do so. This may have been because Melinda, my wife, Chloe’s mom, was still up and so there was life moving about the house. And that Ella, Melinda’s and my younger daughter, Chloe’s sister, age 15, was also still up, getting ready for bed. I was tired and went to bed early, and I didn’t think to turn on Chloe’s lamp.

I admit I didn’t get up to turn it on, as by now I was in that state between sleep and being awake and didn’t want to rouse myself. Still, in that half-sleeping state I found myself thinking about the lamp, this reflection and warmth. Drowsily, I thought about how nice it is to have a light on in one’s bedroom when you get home. And I thought of how important it is to me to have the porch light on, too. One of the last thoughts I remember having is that light and warmth are often synonyms. Remember that old radio ad for Motel 6 from its spokesperson Tom Bodette? “We’ll leave the light on.” It means we know you’re coming and we’re expecting you.

At PSCS each of our seniors spends part of her/his senior year writing a credo. It’s intended to be a year-long process that culminates with each senior getting clear on her/his personal beliefs, crystalizing these in the form of an essay, an essay that each senior presents at the graduation ceremony. One year, one senior completed the process and wrote a credo of one sentence, having said that everything she believes can be found in it. It was, “I believe that whenever you take someone home you wait until they are safely inside before driving away.”

That seems to me to be the same as turning on the bedside lamp of your 19 year old daughter who is just back from college when she’s out later than your bedtime. These are examples of a warming help.

Inspiration #5 – Warming Help (The Cab Ride)

Twice on Monday I had people share with me a link to a story entitled “The Cab Ride.” If you haven’t yet done so, I encourage you to read it. But before doing so, consider this. I’ve had the story sent to me before; in fact, it’s been making the Internet rounds for years. It’s one of those feel-good stories that every now and then gets picked up and passed around, sometimes gaining super-momentum for a while. For instance, the link sent to me on Monday has gotten nearly 100,000 hits in the last few days.

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes wonder about the validity of these “feel-good” stories. I really want them to be true, but a cynical part of me thinks they just may have been made up by someone. As I think about that, I wonder if it really matters whether or not these stories are true. After all, true or fiction, they touch me all the same.

Still, when I find out that one of these stories IS true, that it’s not a work of fiction, I am thrilled. Not only do I get the benefit of the story, I know that people actually lived it and am inspired by their goodness, their kindness, their WARMTH.

As it turns out, “The Cab Ride” is real. Check this out.

Assignment #5 – Provide “A Warming Help” to Another

“In about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy.” –Karl Reiland

Reading: Read the chapter called “Warmth”
Kindness Theme: Provide “A Warming Help” to Another

In the book’s introduction, Ferrucci refers to the current climate of human relations as an Ice Age and suggests that the increase in panic attacks and depression is related to there being a shortage of warmth in our connections. In response to this, I offer this exercise. Provide “a warming help” to another.

When you read the chapter you will learn that the expression “a warming help” comes from Ferrucci’s son Jonathan, who described the support he received from a friend when he fell behind a group at the end of a long hike. His friend waited for him and offered him supportive encouragement, what Jonathan came to call “a warming help.” Ferrucci suggests that this kind of support may be the exact thing each of us needs in a specific moment in order to move forward.

So your job this week is to be on the look-out for an opportunity to provide this kind of support for someone and then provide it. And once having provided it, take special note of how you feel. Find if your specific experience matches what Ferrucci suggests, that a kindness of this sort is warming to both the receiver and the giver.

Reflection #4 – The Möbius Strip

For years I’ve described the interaction between the individuals involved in PSCS with the overall school community as being like following the path of a Möbius strip. The individuals form the community which honors the individuals, which co-create each other. At PSCS we’ve taken this image so far to have made it into the school logo but with a unique addition. We added an additional twist to the strip in order to give it the hint of a heart, thus representing the love we want the school to represent and embody.

Expressing gratitude and completing acts of kindness is another kind of Möbius strip. In order for someone to give, someone has to be willing to receive. So in receiving, one is giving the opportunity for someone else to give. And in giving that opportunity, the receiver and the giver become the same thing, both receivers and givers. One becomes the other and then the other and then the other …

Another way to think of it is like that old preschool song, The Magic Penny. Take a look:

Gratitude is a form of love, which means it’s like a magic penny, too. The more you express, the more you have. And the more you have, the more that exists in the world, meaning the more we all have. Midweek I asked you to spend just a minute to identify things for which you are grateful right around you. Imagine if everybody did that every day, and for more than a minute. It would be a revolution!

Last thing. Ferrucci suggests that the ability to express gratitude is the basis for mental health. Take a few minutes to reflect on that idea. And if you are ever feeling down or distracted, just stop for a minute and find something for which you are grateful. Express your gratitude in some tangible way.

Inspiration #4 – Gratitude is Easy

Ferrucci subtitled the chapter on gratitude with the expression, “The easiest way to be happy.” Just what does he mean by that? Here’s my take.

From wherever we are, we always can find something to appreciate, to be grateful for. For instance, I’m sitting at home as I write this, surrounded by windows that let me look out into a park. Over the last month I’ve watched the leaves fill the trees, including watching our next door neighbor’s magnolia bud and blossom. Each spring when it does this, I am filled with gratitude for the show nature constantly provides me. Then I think of this neighbor, Dorothy, who, at age 93, is vibrant and alive. As I wrote on my personal blog recently, my family lives in our house, and has for 14 years, because Dorothy advocated for us.

So many things to be grateful for. And I don’t even have to get up from where I am sitting.

Thinking this way, I am filled with positive emotions which literally changes my body chemistry. I see life as meaningful and interconnected, all things having a purpose. And I don’t even have to get up from where I am sitting.

Try it out yourself. As inspiration for yourself, look up from your computer screen and find 5 things for which you are grateful. Take less than a minute to do this. I’ll wait.

Great, thanks for doing that. For further inspiration, take a look at this 10 minute Tedx Talk.

Assignment #4 – Acknowledge With Gratitude a Kindness Extended to You

“When we are grateful, all our defenses drop and we show ourselves for who we are.” –Piero Ferrucci

Reading: Read the chapter called “Gratitude”
Kindness Theme: Acknowledge With Gratitude a Kindness Extended to You

Kindness abounds!

Pay special attention to any kindness that is extended to you this week, no matter how small. Choose at least one of these kind acts and acknowledge it with gratitude. Note, this can take many forms, including expressing your gratitude to the person who extended the kindness to you. It could also take the form of paying the kindness forward to someone else, or simply by telling the rest of us about it and why you feel gratitude for it. As with each assignment, personalize this so it provides the most meaning for you.

As described in the book and as an exercise in considering the concept of kindness, see it as a kind act extended to you when the postal carrier delivers your mail or a taxi driver tells you a good joke.

Kindness abounds!

Reflection #3 – Chat With Andy

Do you feel a sense of belonging in terms of being a member of this class?

At PSCS I regularly offer classes that intend to involve a deep sense of personal security and belongingness. Among these have been an in-person kindness class, a class on Taoism, and a variety of leadership classes. A few years ago I joked with the students that we should just combine these classes into one jumbled conglomeration and call it “Chat With Andy” because that’s really what each of them became. Surprisingly, the students jumped at this and for a couple of years the “chat” class became the most popular offering at PSCS, so much so that other members of the staff starting sitting in.

Looking back on this, it’s easy to see why the class got so popular. The environment was cozy and soft, both in lighting and in furniture. There was no required homework or even a requirement to speak. And most importantly, the students felt safe. I’d bring in something to share I thought the students would find interesting (a song, a short film or video, or a short story) to get the conversation started and then make sure people felt safe sharing. The topics often had a people-centered theme, something that I hoped everyone could relate to. Among these would be questions like, “Does Superman get lonely?” Another time I asked willing students to bring in their stuffed animals and we talked about their importance in our lives. The feeling participants had, myself included, of belonging to something greater than themselves was profound.

Since then I’ve realized that all my classes have the same belongingness focus at their center. And earlier this year I renamed my personal blog “Chat With Andy.”

Back to my opening question, do you feel a sense of belonging in terms of being a member of this class? I ask this as I reflect on the week in which we mindfully considered the sense of belonging. Is this class becoming a community or just something you do on the side? Do you feel you are a nameless individual here or do you feel like an important member of the group?

Please consider what you can do to enhance our group and then do it.